hi all (if your still reading)
since the accident, it has become more and more prevalent, the more and more i move towards admitting i have a brain injury, the more i feel insufficient or not me.
everyone knows the saying, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will not hurt me”.
well i have been telling that to my neices and nephews for the last 15 years, now i find myself being hurt more by the words than the sticks and stones, so much so that it is destroying my relationships along with the other nasties like fatigue that a brain injury brings with it.
that has then brought up the question: ‘how do i explain my brain injury to those who dont understand?’
i have been told that people will struggle to understand as in conversation i can hold my own, but what people dont see is that after the conversation im worn out, fatigued and crumbling on the inside.
which brings me back to the “sticks and stones”
the little things like comparing me to someone else, “well he has done this”, or “he is doing this”, it hits me on two fronts, both physical and mental!
little digs at me as a person have also contributed, like im not enough or i need to be something im not for someone else.
lukily for me, a bloke called richard who pushed me into a charity (deptherepy) where i can talk about this stuff, and a little legend called steve who was the perfect blend of listener and arsehole to get me to believe in myself a little more. these two provided me (as you may have already read) with an environment where i can leave everything behind (scubadiving) and talk when im ready to talk.
so i sit here in turkey, writing a blog post about how low i actually feel when i should be enjoying myself.
i have booked myself on scubadiving tomorrow to see if i can gain the weightlessness and wellbeing i found with the deptherepy charity.
anyway i have chewed your ears off enough. enjoy your life (and your brain) to the full as you never know whats round the corner.